Time for Me?

I have many passions and things that I would like to do but it seems I to never have time to do them.   I love to paint, draw, design, and even venture into sewing(yes, sewing would be a shock to my mother as she always believe I would never get interested!)  But with 2 children at home I barely find time to eat let along explore my passions.  Once I get one changed and fed, the other is asking for the same attention if not during but right after I take care of other.  Then it is a back-in-forth battle of giving my attention to one or the other. (It doesn't help that our newest addition, Lillian has colic)  To those parents who have had colicy children, it takes a lot of special grace to get through each day.  But when she smiles at her sister it warms my heart to see them bonding already.  Genevieve loves Lillian.  Whenever I lay Lillian on the ground for tummy time, Genevieve will lay next to her and say "see baby, see baby, see baby!"  Then if Lillian rolls her head to one side, Genevieve will get up and run to that side to be in her vision at all times.  It is so cute.  So, I guess my passions being put on hold for the time is ok as I enjoy seeing my children interact with each other.  But it would be nice to have alone time, even if it only came once a week for an hour. 

The Battle of AHHHs!

In a world of "What's this?" "What's that?" "Who is this?" And where everyday seems like routine, nothing gives me greater joy than the battle of the "AHHs!".  I have a very independent toddler, which to some would consider a great blessing.  She is very happy playing by herself with all the toys that litter the living room every morning.  It is interesting watching Genevieve play, because some of the things she thinks of as toy are nothing more than junk (a box and a straw; 2 of her very favorite toys!).  But there comes a time when she no longer wants to play alone and demands my attention, by yelling AHHH!  I find it funny and respond in the like.  Which creates a reaction of giggles from Genevieve and we battle for minutes on end with Ahhs and giggles.  It is so cute that it makes me smile at the mundane of our day.  There is nothing like the laughter of a child that can make anyone happy.

The Beauty of the Eucharist

The other day I was talking to husband about the Eucharist because he was preparing a talk with the confirmation class at our parish.  So he has asked where in the Bible does Jesus makes the difficult teaching about the truth of the Eucharist and my immediate response was, "read John 6".  Of course I couldn't resist looking it up, because I wanted to remember word for word what was said.  Here is what it reads: (Now I know how easy it is to just see scripture and just skim over it because you think you know what it already says...but really take the time to read what is written.  Reading something with thought really brings new life to the meaning of the words.  I know when I read this again it really made sense.)

6   9 "There is a lad here who has five barley loaves and he two fish; but what are they among so many?" 10 Jesus said, "Make the people sit down." Now there was much grass in the place; so the men sat down, in number about five thousand. 11 Jesus then took the loaves, and when he have given thanks, he distributed them to those who were seated; so also the fish, as much as they wanted. 12 And when they had eaten their fill, he told his disciples, "Gather up the fragments left over, that nothing may be lost." 13 So they gathered them up and filled twelve baskets with fragments from the five barley loaves, left by those who had eaten. 14 When the people saw the sign which he had done, they said, "This is indeed the prophet who is to come into the world!" 15 Perceiving then that they were about to come and take him by force to make him king, Jesus withdrew again to the hills by himself. {I included this first part because it brings you to mind why the people were looking for Jesus}

 24 So when the people saw that Jesus was not there, nor his disciples, they themselves got into the boats and went to Caper'na-um, seeking Jesus. 25 When they found him on the other side of the sea, they said to him, "Rabbi, when did you come here?" 26 Jesus answered them, "Truly, truly, I say to you, you seek me, not because you saw signs, but because you ate your fill of the loaves. 27 Do not labor for the food which perishes, but for the food which endures to eternal life, which the Son of man will give to you; for in him has God the Father set his seal." 28 Then they said to him, " What must we do, to be doing the works of God?" 29 Jesus answered them, "This is the work of God, that you believe in him whom he has sent." 30 So they said to him, "Then what sign do you do, that we may see, and believe you? What work do you perform? {sorry I have to interject: how could they ask this question? Not long ago Jesus just gave them the sign of the Breaking of the Bread and feeding thousands with so little. But like many of us we tend to be blind when God gives us signs right before us} 31 Our fathers ate the manna in the wilderness; as it is written, 'He gave them bread from heaven to eat.'" 32 Jesus then said to them, "Truly, truly, I say to you, it was not Moses who gave you the true bread from heaven; my Father gives you the true bread from heaven. 33 For the bread of God is that which comes down from heaven, and gives life to the world." 34 They said to him "Lord, give us this bread always."  
35 Jesus said to them, "I am the bread of life; he who comes to me shall not hunger, and he who believes in me shall never thirst. 36 But I said to you that you have seen me and yet do not believe. 37 All that the Father gives me will come to me; and him who comes to me I will not cast out. 38 For I have come down from heaven, not to do my own will, but the will of him who sent me; 39 and this is the will of him who sent me, that I should lose nothing of all that he has given me, but raise it up at the last day. 40 For this is the will of my Father, that every one who sees the Son and believes in him should have eternal life; and I will raise him up at the last day."  
41 The Jews murmured at him, because he said "I am the bread which came down from heaven." 42 They said, " Is not this Jesus, the son of Joseph, whose father and mother we know? How does he now say, 'I have come down from heaven'?" 43 Jesus answered them, "Do not murmur among yourselves. 44 No one can come to me unless the Father who sent me draws him; and I will raise him up at the last day. 45 It is written in the prophets, ' And they shall all be taught by God.' Every one who has heard and learned from the Father come to me. 46 Not that any one has seen the Father.  47 Truly, truly, I say to you, he who believes has eternal life. 48 I am the bread of life. 49 Your fathers ate the manna in the wilderness, and they died. 50 This is the bread which comes down from heaven, that a man may eat of it and not die. 51 I am the living bread which came down from heaven; if any one eats of this bread, he will live for ever; and the bread which I shall give for the life of the world is my flesh."
52 The Jews then disputed among themselves, saying, "How can this man give us his flesh to eat?" 53 So Jesus said to them, "Truly, truly, I say to you, unless you eat of the flesh of the Son of man and drink his blood, you have no life in you; 54 he who eats my flesh and drinks my blood has eternal life, and I will raise him up at the last day. 55 For my flesh is food indeed, and my blood drink indeed. 56 He who eats my flesh and drinks my blood abides in me, and I in him. 57 As the living Father sent me, and I live because of the Father, so he who eats me will live because of me. 58 This is the bread which came down from heaven, not such as the fathers ate and died; he who eats this bread will live for ever." 59 This he said in the synagogue, as he taught at Caper'na-um.
60 May of his disciples, when they heard it, said, "This is a hard saying; who can listen to it?" 61 But Jesus, knowing in himself that his disciples murmured at it, said to them, "Do you take offense at this? 62 Then what if you were to see the Son of man ascending where he was before? 63 it is the Spirit that gives life, the flesh is of no avail; the words that I have spoken to you are Spirit and life. 64 But there are some of you that do not believe." For Jesus knew from the first who those were that did not believe, and who it was that would betray him. 65 And he said, "This is why I told you that no one can come to me unless it is granted him by the Father." 66 After this many of his disciples drew back and no longer walked with him. 
67Jesus said to the Twelve, "Will you also go away?" 68 Simon Peter answered him, "Lord, to whom shall we go? You have the words of eternal life; 69 and we have believed, and have come to know, that you are the Holy One of God." 70 Jesus answered them, "Did I not choose you, the Twelve, and one of you is a devil?" 71 He spoke of Judas the son of Simon Iscariot, for he, one of the Twelve, was to betray him.

Wow! After reading that again it really hit me.  I highlighted a few parts that really stuck out to me about Jesus' teaching of the Eucharist.   To me, Jesus seemed very serious about this particular teaching.  He repeated himself many times and did not back down from his teachings even when the people had a hard time understanding them.  He just said that some will understand and others will not.  If there was a time to take something that Jesus said 'literally' wouldn't it be when he talked directly about a teaching and not in parables?  Wouldn't be the time that He repeats himself over and over again?  I also thought it was interesting that Jesus did not correct Simon Peter calling him the 'Holy One of God' like he did so many other times when demons called him that.  I know many people have a hard time with this teaching as it is hard to believe if you don't have faith in the teaching.  I just realized Jesus explains that clearly too, " 63 it is the Spirit that gives life, the flesh is of no avail  ".  So even though at Mass we eat what looks like bread and drink what looks like wine it is the Spirit that brings the life of the Son of man to them through the graces of God.  That we might eat the flesh and drink the blood of the Son of man to have eternal life.  

Now this belief of the Eucharist has a special meaning to me.  When I was a freshman in college I had a dream about the Eucharist that changed my life and deepened my faith in the teaching.  Before I had the dream I had woken up for the day and started my prayers. (it happened to be Sunday) As I was praying for all the people that I pray for on Sundays I got to a name of a person that made me think of my sister.  And she once told me that she would not be Catholic because she didn't believe in the teaching of the Eucharist.  This really upset me...to the point that I fell back to sleep.  This is what I saw:

 I started out in line for communion at some church.  As I was receiving the Eucharist, when the Host hit my hands it had turned into true flesh.  And not just any flesh but the flesh from the heart.  At first I was baffled.  I really wanted to receive Christ, but not like this! So I just stood there.  The priest had seen what happened and quickly gave me another host.  And again it changed to the 'flesh of the heart'.  At that moment I was ushered out of the church and brought to a room as I was becoming a distraction in the church.  In this room was a table 4 chairs with 4 priests sitting, waiting for me.  I sat down in the only chair remaining across from them.  Once I did, they bombarded me with questions, "Why are you causing such a distraction in the church?  How did you do this? Why did you fake this? and so on... I was in disbelief.  They saw what I saw...how could I fake this, it just happened! I had no desire other than to do good for the church.  In the midst of defending myself my palms began to bleed and I was pulled into a crucified position. Then my dream split into two different realities that happened at the same time.  The one I experience first was the most painful...I was experiencing Jesus' life on the cross.  I was given the sight through Jesus' eyes the day he was crucified.  Unlike Jesus I couldn't bare the pain, so I cried out from such torture.  I witnessed all the people there, yelling and throwing things at me, or Jesus really.  I was sad to see people who had believed in Him couldn't even look up at Him.  Jesus was alone.  Then I saw a soldier who pierced the side of Jesus. I felt it and was in so much shock that I went unconscious.  Then began the second reality...While I was experiencing time on the cross something else was going on in the room with the priests.  Jesus was speaking to them through me.  He said, "THIS IS MY FLESH, RECEIVE ME AS I AM!" At this moment the priests fell to their knees.  Then when that was over, they took me down off the cross (an invisible one to the eye) and began to bandage my wounds.  Then I had the feeling that I was to live out my life this way.  Jesus whispered in my ears as they wrapped me, "Spread the word of the Eucharist." 

And from that I woke up.  Then got dressed for church and Communion was never the same for me again. 

Little Miracles II

Well if you can imagine from the title God has blessed us again with another child.  It is unique that for  2 people who would like to plan a family in our own time that God has a different one in mind. The really funny thing is, when I was single and planning out my life (as I'm sure a lot of single women do, or not it might just be me) I had originally thought my children would be roughly 1 to 2 years apart.  I wanted a large family if I was to get married and apparently God thinks that is my calling as well.  But now that I am married and have one child already...a large family all at once can seem overwhelming.  But can I really be upset when God gives me what I asked for.  How did I know when I was single that being a wife and mother would have its challenges.  I guess the saying goes, "be careful what you wish for" But I am glad that our children are going to be close in age.  I do hope that they will be close friends, as there is nothing like have a brother/sister as a best friend.

Speaking of Baby #2 what a little stinker.  We were all excited about our ultrasound as we were going to find out if we are having a boy or girl.  Well as you can imagine that did not happen.  Brian and I both like to know what is coming our way as it makes it so much easier to plan for a new baby.  I know some people prefer to wait until delivery to find out what they are having as it is a beautiful surprise from all the hard work of labor. It just makes it hard for a person who likes to plan and be organized...and no surprises!!!  But I resign the fact that Baby #2 is just as stubborn as her mother.  We are 90% sure of the sex as only one is difficult when it comes to behavior at the ultrasound but without the last 10% I cannot give myself over to naming the baby.  It is frustrating not knowing for sure but like all challenges of this kind I know not to get too worked up about it.  It is just another one of those "go with the flow" moments.